Snackers Beware!

Today's ordinary thing is a snack. Any snack. A tribute to the fact that we snack.

A meal should fill and nourish you, but a snack doesn't have to do anything but take off hunger's edge. I am a professional snacker. I would forgo meals if I could, and snack all day. I don't like feeling overfull, but I have little tolerance for being hungry, so I carry around nuts or pink lady apples or dried cranberries.

In truth, I've never quite understood why snacking is supposed to be a bad thing. "It could spoil your appetite," we've all heard. But if the snack is pretty much healthy, and one is getting plenty of calories to begin with, why save one's appetite until the next meal? I wonder if there is some hidden evil in snacking that no one talks about....

A snack could go horribly wrong, perhaps. Those cashews could be alien ships invading your pantry. Those Baby Bel cheeses could be devices of mind control, operated by a secret society of superintelligent New Jersey cows. That bag of Kettle chips could be corrupting your character with each crunch - the vibrations causing an invisible breakdown in the nervous system.

Write your own story explaining the evils of snacking.