Stapler

Monday's ordinary thing is brought to us by Jay.

This entertaining piece was written for our "Most Boring Object" assignment in Wildfire Writing. Jay was kind enough to dig it out of his notebook. Except his notebook isn't a notebook - it's a Super Book of Doom.*

It's a stapler. It's not doing anything. It can't do anything without an outside force acting upon it. It's wiggling a bit. The table is unsteady. Humans are writing. Table moves. Stapler moves. The texture is only visible where the light leaves a dull white sheen. Flaws are visible in the plastic. Things that look like cracks. Potential energy. If it fell, which it won't, but could with assistance, it would fall with a certain force. I feel the sudden urge to smack it across the room. It's too small to cause any damage. Round blunt corners. Couldn't open it far enough to staple a person's finger. Maybe a baby's. What kind of person would staple a baby's finger? The same kind of person who thinks "Hotel Rwanda" is the funniest movie of all time. It's not moving now that everyone stopped writing. Poor little Boston. What font is that? I think it may actually be Boston.

What would you staple if you had a stapler? Write and sing, "If I had a stapler, I'd staple in the mo-o-rning..."

*Next task: name your notebook--even though you might not be able to top Super Book of Doom and its counterpart (written from the other side, other direction), The Inverted Super Book of Doom.